Thursday, September 24, 2009

Almost four years...

Place: Kalamazoo, Michigan
Time:8:55am est

I decided to start writing again in hopes that others who have written before will pick it up know who I am talking about TOM!

Sitting here, thinking it has been too long since the last time I committed anything to paper or screen, made me kind of sad. Long gone are my short, witty tidbits of awesomeness. It is kinda depressing how I've lost that like keys. I received a letter from Vixxx a few days ago and started to write her, but even then, it has been like pulling teeth.

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I turned the TV on for background noise. I must admit, I could not block any of what was going on out. MTV, VH1...shit, I feel horrible for the youth of today. And yeah, I'm sitting here all of 27 years old, but I had it better, I was lucky. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be a highschooler now and have the need to be in the IN crowd.

I miss the days where I could turn the radio on and hear smoking popes, Juliana Hatfield, Olivia tremor that would never get a chance on MTV right now. Being a kid and enjoying alternative nation...or listening to industrial zone @ 2:00am on Chicago's Q101, sitting with my sister watching AMP on MTV, being introduced to Kool Keith, Orbital and Future Sound of London. Where did those days go? Where did that music go? Where is that little girl?

I guess I could sit here and whine about it. I could also sit here and forget about it, and think towards the future as well. But I feel betrayed by that little girl. Betrayed at the fact life did not stay as it was. Sure I knew I was going to grow up, and with that came, work, money, responsibility, relationships. She betrayed me in everything that complimented who I was. The soundtrack that was from 1992-1997 is gone...the tape has been played dull. I didn't expect that to change...why would I? It was the music every step my feet made. When it stopped playing, I didn't know where I was anymore.

Anywhere I go now, I don't hear "the more you ignore me, the closer I get", and or when I think of Merida, I don't hear " I hate my sister, she's such a bitch, she acts as if she doesn't even know that I exist". That's all done for...or is it?

Those thoughts aside, life right now is in a strange rhythm. Rix is busy with work and music more than he's ever been. I got promoted at work and still working out the kinks of having more responsibility and more people to watch. Family life in Indiana will always be like it is...never changing.

My four year anniversary with Rixie is tomorrow. I cannot imagine that it has laready been 4 years. We have been living together 3 of those 4 years. Just glad I am here and that we made it. Life has handed us some pretty shitty situations, but luckily, I have a great partner in crime to be right at my side. Sure, he's silly beyond imagination, likes Mastodon, thinks XBOX is greater than Playstation, never dresses up, would eat fast food his entire life if he could, has the two weirdest cats on the planet, forgets to make his eye appointments, and is a complete dude...he is still the love of my life. I am completely obsessed with everything that he is. I have loved this man since day one, no questions asked. It is possible to be completely head over heels the first time you see them. And I was. And still am.